Future Man

                As I stood in the aisle at Future Shop nonchalantly gazing upon the array of incredible products, I felt an overbearing sexually charged presence coming from what seemed like all directions. I began to breathe heavily like a cow with asthma being strangled into sexual submission. I needed to know the source of this warm and erect feeling so I could be lavishly penetrated by it at once.

And then he appeared, from the corner of my eye and the center of my heart and soul. He was equipped with a sharp uniform of blood-crimson knitted for Experts; and a name tag that read: “Salim.” His skin was bright and perfect like an angel made of diamonds and delicious sperm; his powerful aura of wisdom and lust shone like a beacon from a futuristic enlightened society into my soul. His lofty and wise penis would surely be my salvation, my Mystic City on the Hill, a fantastic city to be completely shoveled inside my genital well. I began to experience both motion sickness and morning sickness, for his mere presence was forcefully penetrating my urethral chasm and causing me futuristic pregnancy.

“Where can I get a simple headphone extension cord?” I naïvely blurted out like a commoner. A joke question, really. I could tell Salim already knew every question that could be asked in this life; with his infinite capacity for passion being the answer to all questions. I fantasized about him tying me up with various electronic wires and aggressively rubbing mobile devices all over my body, while regaling me with fantastic tales of electronic products and services beyond my wildest dreams, stories that would cause me to laugh, to cry.

“Aisle 2,” he replied. As he said this I wished to myself that he would enter the aisle between my hips, with his glistening product knowledge-soaked penis and his technical expertise-filled scrotal reservoir. I dreamt of our genius-children to be. 

Salim began to guide me towards our destiny. I followed behind him in sexual-spirit form; an uncontrollable floating magnetism; my legs and body belonged to him and his penis, now and forever.

“Is this what you’re looking for?” he said, erotically. His voice sounded like a sexual symphony composed of every instrument ever created, shooting cool viscous semen covered musical notes into my lustfully agape ear drums, deafening the inside of my skull with goopy white erotic bliss.

He held a simple headphone extension cord in his life-giving palms. I could not respond, for his infinite ability for giving and his gesture toward me caused me to have what I can only describe as a sexual near-death experience where I was clinically dead in a universe where there was nothing but orgasmic pleasure that was both infinite and timeless.